50

I hate getting older. Mindset aku bila we are getting older every decision that we take its like a risk. Ok tipu memang since we were born all decision yang kita buat adalah risk. Tapi, this time its getting harder.

I've face not-a-really-good-zaman bila aku melangkau 20an ni. Now aku rasa gelisah. Rasa alone even surrounded by people who I love. I cant say let just go with the flow. Aku terlalu manjakan diri aku or berharap agar dimanjakan sangat ke? Aku cuba buat benda lain so then aku boleh alih perhatian and lupakan but seems like it doesnt help. *sigh*

I hate when I cant be who I love to be.. I hate to see some people make decision and they are really confident about it. I hate to realize it was like something is missing and I dont know what it is and I dont know how to get it back. I hate when I dont know how to describe it.

Aku rasa rapuh. I pray to God everyday to give me a little strength. I dont ask for anybody to understand me but cukuplah if you just smile back at me and say "Its ok. Dont worry everything will be ok".

Mentally tired. Physically in pain.